To my dearest Monkeemoomoo,
I have no valid excuses for not visiting you of late.
Life this year seems to be rushing past at an unsettling pace. I guess have not been myself lately. I feel disorganised and overwhelmed, my brain and focus can only be described as 'scatty' at best. I am desperate to regain a happy rhythm to my days.
I feel that I have been neglecting life: opportunities, friendships, celebrations. I haven't crafted in months and have hardly baked. I am missing my creativity. I know that I am too busy focusing on the negative.
I am still farm dreaming...
every. single. day.
almost. every. moment...
Some days, I want a different lifestyle so badly that I find it hard to breathe. Today is one of those days. This is not healthy.
I had an early dream of the life I wanted to live with my young family. I worked hard before my children were born to ensure that we were headed in the right direction towards our small farm dream. But somehow in the last eight years, our life has steered us so far away from this dream, I feel beaten.
My usually optimistic attitude of "where there's a will, there's a way" has been replaced by despair. While once, I believed it to be true, that despite recent obstacles, we would still live that lifestyle, I now have taken on an unfamiliar defeatist attitude. I cannot see a small farm in our future anymore. And I am heartbroken.
Many people tell me that you, Monkeemoomoo, are a time waster, that my time would be better off spent doing other things. But how can something that helps me to focus on the small and simple pleasures of everyday life, be considered a 'bad thing'. And I need some help with this right now.
I know that with you and the help of your wonderful friend, My Camera, I can start to feel excited again for the 'right now', the 'this moment'. I can start to find the 'beauty and joy in everyday' once more.
I hope to visit you soon. We can have a cup of tea and a chat. I'll probably bore you with stories of how great my kids are and about the de-cluttering I have been doing around the house lately.
With gratitude
J
