Goodbye

This year was not my most favourite year. 

Today I will answer my last two questions in the reverb'12 challenge. I had intended to take this pondering into 2013, I was enjoying the insight that this challenge has given me. But now, has I stand on the edge of a new year, I want to leave 2012 and all that I felt, behind.  

Reverb12 Question12: What where your most intense emotions in 2012?

Often I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, helpless, frightened, daunted. I felt loss.

Five major events (for want of a better word) shaped 2012 for me. In each scenario, I was an onlooker. Big changes were happening for other people close to me, all effecting me deeply and emotionally.

I have struggled to work through these feelings, to identify them and what they mean to me. As the year draws to a close and I can take a step back, I can see things more clearly. I understand that these things happened and everyone is OK. We have to make adjustments, it's been a difficult year, but we have made it to the other side with smiles on our faces.

I am stronger for it.

Reverb'12 Question 13 - Post your favourite picture of yourself from 2012.

This was interesting. Did I even have a picture of myself taken in 2012?

One.

And I am not going to post it, it is not a favourite, I look as if have a double chin. Instead I'm sharing this photo of me at Byron Bay in July. It was the only other photo that I was in in 2012. It seems like the perfect fit for this post.

Tonight we will be joined by my closest cousins and their children. They have travelled from far and wide to be here on this night. Who knows when we will all be together again.

Right now, everything is, as it should be.

Wishing you and your family a very Happy New Year!

Eating, eating, eating.

It's lucky that eating is one of my favourite pastimes, because over this Christmas break, we have been doing plenty of it:

It all started back on the night of my Long Table Dinner.

And it continued....

We went to a Christmas party at a restaurant were I ate a giant serving of beer battered fish and fat chips, after lunch, dark German chocolates and homemade chocolate fudge where passed around. Later that night my husband went on to his work Christmas party, he was served tasting plates of yummy food for almost three hours. I don't know how he got through the night. I didn't even eat dinner.



Two days before Christmas we went to another party, a bring a plate affair. You know what happens when you have almost thirty people bring a plate - lots of food! The problem? you need to try a little bit of everything. Cheese platters with slices of sourdough bread, spinach dip, crab dip, smoked salmon canapes, leg ham, roasted chicken, roasted vegetable salad, cous cous salad, potato and bacon salad and so much more that I can't even remember now. I ate trifle made with meringue and frozen white chocolate cheesecake for dessert. But there was more of that too: mince pies, a rocky road Christmas wreath, Christmas cake and two huge fruit platters.

Dad could not be with us for Christmas Day this year, so he and his girlfriend spent the day of Christmas Eve with us. They arrived for morning tea: Christmas cake and what I call a Christmas platter - fruit and rum balls and Christmas chocolates

We spent a lovely day with them, baking last minute Christmas cookies and preparing the food for Christmas day. It was nice to just hang out with them both, it had been a long time since we had done that. It was a casual and relaxed day, without all the pressures of Christmas.

For lunch we had our first ham sandwiches of the season. Make your own, with fresh white bakery bread. It was perfect. It was hot, this was simple and yummy. Dad likes things like this.



Later that night we went to my husband's family for what was to be a simple Christmas Eve barbecue. However it was more like a feast. More cheese platters - I think that these are the biggest problem at Christmas for me. So good, so moreish, so filling and eaten in the quantities that I have been eating them, so bad for you. We ate a beautifully marinated, butterflied leg of lamb, prawns, rocket and pear salad, fennel and broad bean salad, potato salad, all served with homemade pissaladière on on the side. For dessert we ate trifle made with raspberries.


It will be no surprise that I was dreading Christmas Day - food wise. I was kind of over it. But surrounded by extended family and good cheer, on the day, it seemed like the natural thing to do. After a frenzy of present opening, we ate a leisurely breakfast with my mum, her friend and my cousin, who I hadn't seen in five years. Another Christmas plate (a tradition on Christmas morning): panettone, homemade Christmas cake, rum balls, mangoes, cherries, peaches.

By noon, the Christmas table had been set and out came a wonderful cheese platter, dips, pate and champagne cocktails. There was eleven of us for lunch this year, at the kids request we set the tables up like my party, then put all of the food inside, buffet style. Mum's delicious roast pork, ham, my Aunt's succulent roasted chicken, cucumber and mango salad, Mum famous potato bake, rocket and pear salad and cous cous salad. Much later, after more present opening, we ate dessert: frozen chocolate cheesecake and Grandma's plum pudding and brandy custard. I think it was about  4 o'clock. That's sounds about right for Christmas, doesn't it?

Everyone was gone by 5pm, my husband did what all husbands do on Christmas Day, he went to bed and slept until 9pm. I tidied the kitchen, fed the kids a ham sandwich and put them to bed early.

On Boxing Day, we did it all again.

In March of this year, my cousin moved to the area. It was so lovely to spend some time with her and her extended family this Christmas. I don't think we have spent a Christmas together since we were children. So we ate some more: There was another cheese platter and more dips. Prawns, ham, roasted chicken, Greek salad, baked potatoes. There was caramel tart and more trifle... and I ate it all.

I don't think I have mentioned the amount of wine and coffee drunk or the amount of Santa chocolate I have eaten. Guess what - too much!

So yes, the season has been gluttonous, but with all of this food comes love. Well, at least in my family it does. Sharing good food with the people we love is important to us. For me, that's what Christmas is all about. Over the last few weeks we a have shared meals with new friends, old friends and very special members of my extended family. Special people from my childhood, by my side, as if a day hadn't past, let alone years.

Love - that's what it's all about.

But don't think we are stopping for one minute. I have just got off the phone from my cousin. We spoke of our plans for tomorrow nights New Years Eve party at our house (don't get too excited, the kids will be outnumbering the adults) It's going to be big!

And guess what, there is going to be way to much food!

What have you been eating this Christmas? Have you eaten too much?

Christmas Time

I am someone who loves Christmas, however this year, was a little different. As Decemeber drew closer, I just didn't feel very Christmasey. While our tree was up and decorated on the first of December, many of our other family traditions were missed.

But in the last week before Christmas, something magical happened. Slowly, 'Christmas' started to appear in every corner of my home.

I'm so glad that it did, because I love Christmas. We have had many lovely days spent with our extended family, with many more still to come. It is a special time.

I hope that you and your loved ones have had a Happy Christmas. Enjoy the festive season and stay safe.
 
And to Rae and Prue (if you are reading) I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to catch up before Christmas. Enjoy your holidays! I hope to see you soon. xo

"Keep Cool Fool"

(Grace Knight image from here)

Reverb'12 Question 11: What was music to your ears?

My husband and I went to one concert this year, it was a rare night out. We saw Grace Knight who was touring our area and played in a small intimate venue. We sat, cabaret style, it was dinner and a show. Perfect.

I love Grace Knight, we have seen her in concert a few times before, she is fantastic live. This night did not disappoint. It was fun, it was lively and as usual, when she sang "Fever" the whole place was jumping. But it was her two opening songs that really stuck with me.

Did she know I was coming? Had she written them just for me? It was like she had pulled a chair up to our table, sat down and softly sang the words to us. The words of those songs were exactly what we needed to hear on that night.

I don't listen to the radio, so I rarely listen to new music. I loved this new CD, especially some of the Irish songs that she sings on it. We bought our CD on the night and got a signed copy as we have done at other concerts. While I was in the line, I was chatting to an older man and talking about Grace Knight and her music. I think he was surprised when I said I had all of her CD's. I realised then, that her music is almost the soundtrack of my life. From right back when I had the Eurogliders record blasting out during my teenage years at home. Her music has filled every home I've lived in, and particular songs bring back memories of those times, whether I was 16, 21 or 33.

(Melody Gardot image from here )

(Katie Melua image from here)

(Madeleine Peyroux image from here )

(Morcheeba image from here)

(Norah Jones image from here )

And in the last month I have been listening to new CD's by Norah Jones, Melody Gardot, Madeleine Peyroux, Katie Melua and Morcheeba, actually, maybe they are not new? but they are new to me. They are all in the player, I'm discovering new favourites. Things have been pretty swoony around here while I wrapped the last of the Christmas presents today.

What are you listening to right now?

Taking risks

Reverb'12 Question 10 - What was the greatest risk you took in 2012? What was the outcome?

You know what, I think that this is it!

Joining up for reverb'12 and posting my answers here in this space.

Because really, who is reading? No one? Everyone?

I'll admit that after my very first post, I woke up in mild panic. I thought I might delete the post I had just written. I thought I would send a polite e-mail to Kat saying: "sorry, I made a mistake, I can't be part of this after all". But then I took a deep breath. This is where I am at.

I know I could have opted to start a private journal for my answers, but as silly as that sounds, that didn't occur to me until later. This was an Internet challenge and I saw it as that. So I have written about things that I usually keep from my blog. This is my happy place, there's no place here for doom and gloom or self discovery. But then I realised, if my blog wasn't about self discovery (perhaps in a round about kind of way) and self expression, then what was? I like to blog about what we did, where we went or what we ate. It highlights some memories, I might otherwise forget. It documents chapters in my life. Well this is a chapter. As if riding a tidal wave, I am on a journey to self discovery and change whether I like it or not. When reverb'12 is over. I'll go back to blogging about those changes in a more practical ways. My posts will be more about 'doing' than 'feeling'. I will feel safer with those kinds of post, less vulnerable than I am now.

I chose to continue with reverb'12 in this space, wondering, if maybe? Does anyone else out there feel the same? I have appreciated those who have commented, other people focusing on a personal journey of there own.

And how do I feel about it? The outcome thus far?

Liberated. Excited. Brave.

It seems like such a long time since I have really taken notice of this life of mine and where I am in it.

It feels good.

What risks did you take during 2012?

A real page turner

Reverb'12 Question 9: What was the best book you read in 2012, and why? (And by "Why?" I mean: Why did you read it? And why was it your favourite? Although these answers could be one and the same...!)

My best read this year was "Radical Homemakers", with "Depletion and Abundance" being a very close second. I read "Depletion and Abundance" immediately after reading Radical Homemakers and probably wouldn't have sought it out, if I hadn't read Radical Homemakers first. I can recommend them both.

Why did I read it? 

I had seen it on other people's blogs and was intrigued by the name. What was a radical homemaker exactly?

Why was it a favourite? 

It was like this book was written for me. For as long as I could remember I have wanted to live on a small acreage, completely self sufficient with my own water and power supply, growing my own food and living a simpler life.

This kind of life is different to the way I grew up. I come from a small country town. Both of my parents worked. I guess our family was middle class and mainstream. I went to the state high school down the road and left home to get a job at 17. People who lived the kind of life I wanted, were known as 'hippies'. It wasn't something that you aspired too. So, off into the world I went. I gave only fleeting thought to the 'simple life' during my early twenties. I got caught up with shopping and doing and acquiring. I travelled. I worked multiple jobs. I bought and sold properties and cars. I got married and had children. When I look back, it seems like I was just riding the wave. My early vision for my life had been pushed very far to the side, but it was still there. On the day my son turned six, it hit me like a jolt of lightening. I wanted to live a more authentic life, for me and for my family.

I hadn't known it before, but finally I had a name for it.

When I grow up, I want to be a Radical Homemaker.

While the entire book was filled with 'aha' moments, it got me thinking, it got me excited. I photocopied one page and it has been stuck on my fridge for the last 5 months. Here is an excerpt from that page:

To accomplish this, the homemakers had to become autodidactic, that is self-learners. The tips for becoming a self learner, as they reported them, were to think independently, embrace general knowledge, work with what they had, make mistakes, find there own teachers, and muster the courage to start from wherever they were.

I love the diversity of the people interviewed for the book. People were using their 'radical homemaker' skills in tiny flats and urban environments. I know I can expand my skills and knowledge from right where I am.

Yesterday was the first day I have been home all day in a while. I made bechamal sauce from milk that was at it's 'end of use' date (for the freezer). I roasted the last of the tomatoes and capsicums from our garden to be pureed (for the freezer) I made my own yoghurt for the first time in ages. I tried Rhonda's five minute bread recipe. My son juiced a bag of oranges and I dusted off our juicer and juiced a pineapple, we mixed the two together and have made 'frosty fruit' ice-blocks. I stewed plums and peaches with raspberries and honey to make a fruit sauce (for the freezer) I stewed apples. And out of the kitchen, I made a start on some Christmas aprons for the kids.

It seems, I am on my way.

What books have you been reading in 2012? I'd love to hear from you, reading has been put high on my priority list for 2013.

Long Table Christmas Dinner

You might have read about the plans for my "Long Table Christmas Dinner" (mum's only).

What a night: champagne, cheese plates, groaning antipasto platters, white wine, dips, chicken and asparagus terrine, quiche, red wine, stuffed eggs, champagne, chicken and potatoes baked in wine and herbs, leafy salads, white wine, yummy spinach and feta pie with smokey tomato chutney, red wine, extra creamy potato bake, more wine, triple chocolate and sour cherry brownies, ice-cream cake, caramel tart and to-die-for coffee cheesecake.

It was so much fun!

Sorry there are no pictures at night, I have dropped my camera one too many times and the night time photos have been the first to suffer. But picture if you will: a 'twinkle light fairyland'. The back yard was lit only by fairy lights, twists of rope lights and lots of candles, the candles were spilling through into the house and dimly lit kitchen on the table, on coffee table and side tables and on the sideboard. Music and laughter filled the perfect summers evening.

I think I might have started something here.

I hope so:)